My friend Belinda in Colorado must be the flip side of my soul.
She's 15 years younger than I, but from the first day we worked together in the advertising department of the Greeley Tribune, the bond couldn't be broken.
She's the one who sent me a Halloween card saying not to worry if something big and ugly followed me around on Halloween - it was just my behind. She sent me an Easter card that looked as if the color fairy had exploded in the kitchen. Inside came the admonition: Never color Easter eggs with PMS.
She's the one who sent me a 2-foot tall wiry "doll" warning me to "Pull on your big-girl panties and deal with it."
I love her.
It's no surprise, then, when e-mails show up on my home computer with oddities, crazy pictures, silliness of any sort.
Last week I get something she called "In my next life." It's too good not to share, and let me tell you, it's going to be my wish, too. Reality is good.
"Gonna Be a Bear"
"In this life, I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
"Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
"When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
"If you're a mamma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
"If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
"Yup, gonna be a bear."
Who, I wonder, makes up stuff like that. Once it gets on the Internet with no indication of an author, (s)he seems to lose the right to call it her/his own. It spreads like wildfire because it's so funny. And it's so funny because it's so true.
I've often thought it would be fun to start something that would work itself around the world - maybe even back to me. But to do that, it would have to be something really good, and if I wrote something really good, I certainly wouldn't want it spread out on the Internet and through e-mail.
See, there's always a catch, that place between a rock and a harder rock where what you want bites you in that ugliness following you around, Halloween or not.
Where did I leave those big-girl panties?
So long friends, until the next time when we're together.
Contact Sandy Mickelson at (515) 573-2141 or email@example.com